Rarrrrrrr

Anger is a weird emotion. I don't know if I really consider it an emotion really because it is often an expression of something else I am feeling altogether. I find myself angry at the weirdest things. Swearing in traffic, angry over spilled milk, angry at everything. What is it that I am really feeling because if I dig deep, this anger is just a veil for something else, Being hurt, being overwhelmed, feeling disappointed. I think I always knew this, but at this very time in my life it is becoming more real that this is what is happening. For people who haven't walked this specific road it is hard to understand the all encompassing range of constant emotions that bombard me. When I speak about being angry with someone, that is just how my grief is presenting itself right now, and I know that is normal but it sucks. I don't want to be angry. I want to have an open heart, to extend grace to forgive but my frustration and weight of this anger is making it VERY hard to do that right now. Continually I lay this down at his feet and ask him to help me carry this because it is too much for me to do on my own, and I constantly check myself and my attitude. Thankful for the friends and family that let me vent and get all the ugly out without judgement. Thankful for the small reminders that nudge me to be obedient even though I really don't want to. There is a lot of justification in anger, some would say I have every right to be angry but am I the better for it? No, what it does to me is rob me of my joy.

Ephesians 4:31-32

³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.