It's Saving me

 I came home from my Club Dance workout class last night and on my way home I was filled with this sense of Awesomeness. So much so that it made me cry! Its hard to explain, or maybe you know exactly what I am talking about. Because for years people have tried to explain this "workout high" to me or tell me that working out will make me feel better and I never believed them because out of all the times I tried it I never felt it. 
  This is saving me. I feel it. I feel strong. I feel powerful when I am in there. Granted I have no coordination, I'm at least 70 lbs over weight and I probably look like a fool but who the fuck cares! Sorry, it deserved a swear word there ;) I have been struggling these last few months with really bad with depression. This large grey cloud that seems to follow me everywhere. I know most of it is related to my moms death, but so many other things also. The real shitty thing about depression is you can know something is wrong and you can't just "change it". It is a process, a long frustrating process. Most of the time, I don't want to leave the house... I make myself because I am not going to turn into that but it gives me a lot of anxiety. Being around people, planning things, events give me anxiety. 
 I have been real tired for a long time of where I am at with my health, and lets be honest I have been half assing it for a while just "partially" changing my eating, or going on a walk here and there but never consistent. And where that has gotten me is somewhere I don't want to be. Where I am is not comfortable physically or emotionally. After a nice push from a good friend who knows my crap, I decided to join a gym 3 weeks ago, and yes I am only three weeks in but I feel different. I am taking back control of my life and doing something good for myself. Seriously H, your words are ringing true in my ear all the time now. There is SO MUCH power in this, and I want to shout it from the rooftops that you can feel like this too!!!! I know I am just in the beginning and I hope that as I continue this feeling doesn't wear. I do have my club dance class that is ridiculously fun to keep me going though. Hey if you want to join me, let me know! We can look like fools together!