Sometimes working here hurts my heart. There are days, or weeks at a time where the pain of these people really gets to you. I am a pretty sensitive person by nature and seeing hurt in anyone really affects me. I remember when I first started working here the first couple of months were slightly traumatizing as I read the background stories of how some of these people grew up or things that happened to them. It was awful. I really second guessed accepting my job because I didn't think I was going to be able to handle it. Well... here I am almost two years later and man I have learned so much from this place. So much about the human capacity for pain and so much about the mental health community.
This week though, for some reason has been really hard. Watching a grown man sob because he misses his family. Seeing a young girl (20 something) in a padded helmet because she can't but help injuring herself at any point during the day because of the emotional pain, or talking to a young patient about the fact that she won't get to see her kids until their are adults and it is just heartbreaking.
I have felt that I was supposed to take this job from the very beginning having ABSOLUTELY no experience working with adults or people with mental illness and it has stretched me. I feel like even though sometimes working here can feel hopeless because there is only so much you can do to help that I can still be here and pray for these people. Listen to them, treat them like they are human and build friendships with them. They continue to show me so much about the world and amaze me with what the human spirit can bear.
I know that it wasn't/isn't supposed to be this way but I am really thankful for the incredible opportunity to help these people as they transition through the challenges they are facing and most of the time I am not using my "degree" in the sense that I would of originally thought, I am using so much more than that.
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