I haven't written in a while, or at least it seems. The last few days I have been really stressed, anxious, irritated about everything. Upcoming Mexico trip, things that need to be done around the house, the FACT that my baby is starting Kindergarten and a new before school and after school program. AGH! We can say this though, my house and classroom are pretty dang clean and organized right now, because that is how I relieve stress. I clean, I organize and I think about cleaning.
I had a dream about them last night. The first time they have simultaneously appeared in a dream. There wasn't a message or even a feeling, which is kind of irritating because I keep hoping that maybe I will see a sign somewhere. I hate that it takes me a few days of being in this funk to really see why I am. Yep, grief, you SUCK. You slip in and sneak up on me and I'm not prepared for it. I should of known it was coming because its been awhile since I have felt this way and it usually happens in fairly consistent intervals. Now that I have realized that this is why I am pissed, irritated etc I just want to go be by myself, and unfortunatly that isn't an option.
Insert swear word here.......
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could at least control the whole grief thing. We didn't get to control anything else in this process. I am just the opposite of you about the cleaning thing. I just can't get organized or get anything done. In my grief recovery class there are people just like you and just like me. Cleaning and organizing work for some and getting nothing done works for others. We will survive this but I sometimes wonder how.
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