Not supposed to be this way

 It's hard to watch you cry. I am only 32, almost 32 and yes way too young to loose both parents. That part isn't fair I know. But it isn't supposed to be this way. Parents are not supposed to loose their children. And as I sit their watching you, as you hold her baby dress that your mom made for her, crying  it breaks my heart. I can't imagine being in this situation with my Ruby.
 Grief is like this evil little monster. I know silly to call it that but it is. You walk around in life, get a little comfortable, start to feel safe and then bam it jumps out in front of you and you can't move. Did I think that cleaning out my moms closet today would make me this emotional? That I would be angry, irritated, sad and overwhelmed for the rest of the day? No. They are just clothes, but knowing that she will never be coming back to wear them, that is where it hurts. It's the beginning to things being final! I don't like that, not one bit. This is messy and raw and discombobbylated and for a girl that thrives on plans and order this makes me really really uncomfortable, because I don't have any control.