Healing

I was laying with Kaleb tonight in his bed and he was very tired which usually means extra emotional. He was very weepy and as we laid there in the dark we started talking about what was bothering him.
" I miss Oma." thru Tears.
 Yeah me too buddy. So many questions about death and how we get to heaven and I just have no idea how to answer them all. I asked him what he missed the most and he said "talking to her and her songs." So we laid there in the dark and I sang " You are my sunshine" one of her favorites to sing to me as child, one of the last songs I sang to her before she died and one of the ones she sang to Kaleb and Ru all the time. Wow.. I have been so numb these last two weeks. Literally no feelings at all. I haven't been sad or mad or anything like that. It amazes me as I let myself be really, really vulnerable with my son there in the dark, missing Oma, how I started to feel. How I let myself feel and we cried together. Sometimes I am blown away how the sweet vulnerability of a child can unravel us. It all comes easy to them, too easy. They haven't learned to hold it back or built a wall to not feel.
I am incredibly thankful for this moment because it helped me let it out, even though it was painful. I know that through this it is showing my son that "showing ourselves" is not a bad thing. That "feeling" is OK, and good, that we will be better for it. And when we let ourselves feel it, I mean really feel it.. all out ugly, don't make a sound cry, that is when the healing comes.