Day 4

     I don't like this... one... single... bit. If you ask me how I am doing I will say "fine" or sometimes "good" depending on the hour of the day, and granted the more I have to do the better I feel but it is really such a loaded question. And trust me this is always the first question out of my mouth because we just don't know what to say in times like this. It is hard to answer. Today I think it has really hit me, ahhh yes, I remember this feeling well. Depression, not a welcome friend in my house. I remember this after I had my two babies and certainly when my dad passed away. The being EXAUSTED ALL THE TIME, not having the motivation to do anything and disengaging. And I am perfectly aware that this is what is happening but can't really stop it. It is overwhelming and there isn't anything I can do to make it go away. IT SUCKS! Major. I know many things that help, writing like I am doing now, crying which is hard to come by at times, exercising... not my favorite. I also know it won't always feel like this. That there will be plenty of good days. That the Sun always shines even when we are in the darkest places, we just might not be able to see it as well.
   I know many of you are wondering how you can help and I know I speak for my whole family when I say this. Your prayers, thoughts and gestures of kindness are helping carry us. Keep doing what you are doing, truly it means sooooooooooo much.
Love to all of you reading this!
Em