Waves

Waves; When they come they aren't the kind that gently Lapp at your feet. The small crests that slowly bubble to the shores. These waves; take you under. A very turbulent kind that throw you from side to side and leave you screaming for air. Never knowing when you or if you are going to come back up for air. These waves have been building slowely and steadily for a long time and by the time you get caught in them it's already too late. I'm talking about grief. The only thing I can think of how to describe it is waves. The ones that have been throwing me around lately have been big. I miss my mom, I miss my dad. I wish I could talk to them and ask their opinion or cry over the phone. In the part of life where a good chunk of my life is In transition I feel very alone. I miss my family. I have wonderful in laws and extended family but it's not the same. My mom got me like no one else could. My dad could always find something funny to say and his hugs, God I miss his hugs and the smell of his hair. I don't feel them near me. I hope for signs or dreams but it's all stagnant air. In this time where some great things are happening it is somewhat over shadowed by this grief. And it sucks. If you have been here you just know there is nothing that describes it. Nothing.