Smooth like Glass

    I happened to be a first responder to a horrific accident this last weekend that really has shaken me. At first I was so mad, Why me? Why did I have to see this. Lord knows, as the girl that sees a dead squirrel on the side of the road and stops to bury it, yes I actually have done that, that seeing something like this would greatly affect me. That I would obsess over it and not be able to get it out of my mind. I have waned between being upset and sad and overwhelmed all at once. As it has been a few days, the feeling that overwhelms me the most is complete gratitude. Watching the accident scene unfold has really helped me to see with clarity my own life. I realize that yes I had to witness a young person die and watch as her mother watched and that is horrible, but at the end of the day, I get to come home to my family. I get to love on my kids and embrace my husband, all a little bit tighter. It makes me realize how incredibly fragile life is and how every moment is precious. How there are people in my life that drive me crazy sometimes, and that I don't agree with but I am called to love them anyway.

      I honestly think that I was there at that specific time for a reason. Not just to help the family and to pray over them but to gain clarity in my life that I often complain about. How hard it is, how there is no rest, how yes my kids drive me crazy sometimes. This all made me think last night as I was drifting off to bed, that things happen in our lives that shape who we become. Some of them are wonderful like marriage and having babies, and some of them are life changing like watching your parent slowly die or seeing a young girl loose her life. Some would say that I have seen a lot in the last 4 years , and I think I have, but I also think these things that I have gone through, although incredibly painful have made me stronger.

 I am like a rock in a river, rough to the touch but being shaped daily by events in my life. While the water is sometimes raging and cold and relentless, it is chipping away at pieces of me until I am smooth,shiny and soft. I know that one day, as I walk through those gates, my rock of a self will be completely smooth like glass. I will be complete. I will be the person that I was created to be. 

For now, I hope that I use these events in my life to strive towards being a better version of myself.