T-rex

Hey you!
 Below you will find a picture that best represents how I am feeling right now... like 100% of the time. I have a pretty strong urge to want to rip everyone's face off and eat it for breakfast (please excuse my 'Walking Dead' Metaphor) but truly, I'm pretty angry right now. This little guy does a good job of representing how I am feeling inside. The one thing I love about the T-rex is his little arms. They discredit him so. He wants to be all mean and scary and just eat people, but then you look at his arms and kind of can't help but laugh. With that said, I hope you can read this knowing that this "feeling" isn't me. Not at all who I am or how I want to act or feel, it just kind of is....

I think that sometimes people forget, that since it has been 9 months, and it isn't fresh in their mind that I am still grieving. I tend to lean into things and get a lot accomplished when I am grieving so some people probably think that I am doing just fine, but not really.That this year in particular is REALLY HARD for me. It was my parents favorite time of year and Christmas began in October. #allthingschristmas.  We were very fortunate to have wonderful Christmas's growing up. Tons of family, activities and creativity. I crave that now. The big family gathering, in our house...although our house isn't our home anymore because my parents were what made it that. When it comes to my own crap I am not a crier until I have been really angry. Its just my process. I cry easily at movies or stories or how I hurt for others but when its mine, I spend a good deal of time cursing things or people (in my head) until I reach a point where it has to come out and then I cry. I wish it wasn't this way, but unfortunately the grief monster has decided that this is how I get to handle it. 
Thank God for GRACE, truly can you imagine living life without it? Grace from my husband and my kids who unfortunately get most of my crankiness because that is where I feel safe enough to display it. Not fair for them though. Thank you to you, who are reading this if you have experienced the T-rex in me lately and for giving me grace, knowing that this is not who I am or who I want to be.