Failure

FAILURE - gosh this is such a nasty word! It packs such a powerful punch and it seems like no matter how hard I try, one that keeps interjecting itself into my life over and over again. Satan sure knows my weakness. He knows that I feel like a failure at parenting so much, and loves to hit me when I am down. Lately I have been feeling really defeated. I feel like this last year our family has just started to crumble. Especially Ruby. I just am not sure how to relate to this beautiful little girl. She is so much like me yet I can't seem to get a grip on who she is. And I feel like that sounds absolutely horrible coming out of my mouth. I am her mom and I just don't really get her. This is one of those times where I miss my mom horribly. I know that I acted like Ruby when I was younger based on things I read and I know my mom would have some great insight. She definitely is this little puzzle that I am working hard to solve. I don't know, maybe our life is moving too fast for her because she struggles so much with transitions. You can imagine how this plays out in a house where both parents work full time, I have a side job and we have school activities, daycare, kindergarten. I feel like we are constantly on the go and I am constantly saying no and we don't have time, or we need to hurry! It hurts my heart, I want to go slower but there is nothing that I can take off my plate right now.
 I cannot WAIT for the day when I get to work from home and I can move at a pace that is more centered around my kids. Where mornings aren't rushed and I am there for school and activites. This desire on my heart is so strong, it is often all I can think about. So I guess, in the meantime, I just give myself grace!